Finding Joy In The Holiday Season

Posted by on Dec 15, 2011 in General, Guest Writers, Popular Posts

For many of us in the adult industry, getting through the holidays can be a stressful time.  Not only is there the usual pressure of buying gifts and visiting with family, but because of our profession, some of us may feel isolated bringing added stress, loneliness, and sadness.

For me it was the empty chair at the table. Having buried both of my parents, particularly my mother, I couldn’t bear to face the holidays.  Even though I was surrounded by loving family members, I was miserable and wished I could sleep from November 20th through January 2nd. I felt my mother’s loss deeply as the holidays approached, and I struggled to cope. We were the family who went overboard for the holidays. Our house was probably bright enough for the astronauts to see from the moon! My mother would dress up like an elf, and we exchanged gifts every year without fail. Now my heart ached and the holidays were a painful reminder of what I had lost.

Finally, I took the initiative and sought the help of a grief therapist. There is no way my mother would want me to be miserable, especially around her favorite time of year. She would have had a fit! My therapist helped me realize I will never be without my mom. She is here, just not physically here, with me. I can look in the mirror, listen to myself talk, watch myself walk—and I see my mom.

In keeping with her spirit, I have also opened up my home to traveling providers. Unfortunately due to our profession, many of us are estranged from our loved ones. Maybe we have lost custody of our children and are forced to be alone during the holidays. If you cannot have the family you were born into, forge your own! Do not allow yourself to be stuck in a hotel room alone with too much free time on your hands. There are so many people who are lonely, need your help, and would love to spend time with you. Look for a shelter or an assisted living facility to share the holidays. Helping other people is therapeutic in itself.

The best self-help is to help and love those who desperately need love!

4 Ways To Deal With The Loss Of A Loved One

  • Allow yourself the right to grieve.  Most people take three to five years to fully accept the loss of someone they loved. If someone dear to you died during this past year, remind yourself that it’s normal and healthy to feel like avoiding some of the events of the winter holidays.
  • Plan ahead. Do you want to be alone or will being with those who love you ease the pain? Really think about it. Sometimes being alone makes the aloneness much too hard to bear. Sometimes being in a crowd is overwhelming. Only you know what is best for you. Talk to key family members and ask them to support you in whichever decision you make.
  • Honor your loved one by sharing stories. Many people believe the way to help someone in grief is to avoid talking about the person who has passed. Most of the time, they are mistaken. When we stop talking about someone is when they are really lost to the family.  It’s important to remember the good times, to laugh about funny things they did or said, and to acknowledge that he or she is missed.
  • Do things a little differently. For some people, doing the usual traditions and celebrations makes the loved one’s absence all the more painful. Think about whether doing things a bit differently or going to a different place would be helpful.

Taking Care of Yourself During The Holidays

If the holidays bring on some unwanted emotions, you’re not alone.  Here are some tips:

  • Recognize the signs of depression and seek help. Go to www.helpguide.org.
  • Keep up with your regular exercise routine and stick to healthy, nutritious meals.
  • Get plenty of sleep each night.
  • Take time for yourself and do something fun each day.
  • Make sure your holiday goals are realistic.
  • Volunteer at an animal shelter or visit a retirement home.
  • Enjoy the season with people who are supportive.

Quick Facts About Depression

  • Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults or about 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.
  • Everyone will at some time in their life be affected by depression — their own or someone else’s.
  • 30% of women are depressed. Men’s figures were previously thought to be half that of women, but new estimates are higher.
  • 54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness.
  • 41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help.
  • 80% of depressed people are not currently having any treatment.
  • 92% of depressed African-American males do not seek treatment.
  • 15% of depressed people will commit suicide.
  • Depression will be the second largest killer after heart disease by 2020 — and studies show depression is a contributory factor to fatal coronary disease.

Additional Resources

 

  • About Us
  • FAQ
  • Alerts
  • Featured Articles
  • General
  • Guest Writers
  • Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized
  • 2012
  • 2011